I'm not grumpy anymore

You won't believe this, but I actually like my painting from last night. I know. After all that fuss yesterday, and even this morning I wouldn't look at it, when I walked by, because it irritated me so much, but then, I went to work on it again.

I didn't even change all that much. Just a few touches here and there, really helped. Even better is that about halfway through I had the brilliant idea to give it to my grandma for her birthday tomorrow. We are all meeting for her birthday dinner, and I know she will appreciate it. It needs to go to a good home. Though now, I'm actually going to miss it. So strange!

I'm working on a new collage tonight, but I'm kinda stuck and it's getting late, so I figured I best write my anxiety post before I get too lazy.

My issues today all started last night when I went to bed. I was super dizzy. Every little sound set off a new wave of dizziness, and it was very hard to sleep. Then the cat barfed on me at 5 am. Needless to say when the alarm went off at 6:00, I was not feeling too special. I was also worried about Dink, since he vomited, I was afraid to give his insulin if he couldn't keep food down, and I would have to give at 7:00 the latest, as we would have to leave for work then.

To make a short story long, I didn't go to work. I feel bad, but I just couldn't do it today. After I called in, I tried going back to sleep for a few hours and I must of dozed a little, but I certainly didn't get good sleep. I "woke up" 2 hours later, feeling worse than before. My balance was yucky, and I was exhausted. I should have gone to work.

Anyway today was mostly boring. Like I said I fooled around with art for awhile, checked out a few blogs, and played games. Lot's of coping skills today. I wasn't feeling all that great, but at the same time I wasn't bad. So hard to explain. All I wanted to do was rest and sleep, but every time I tried lying down, I would get crazy dizzy. Yuck!

I was feeling pretty blah, so Matt and I decided once again to get out of the house. It is very important I think for us to do this, even if it's just going to the store. If we don't, it's so easy to hide away in our woods, and become hermits. Eventually it get's lonely, and I think that's what I was feeling today. I needed interaction with someone other than Matt. (Not that that happened).

To make it fun, we decided to go on a motorcycle ride. I wanted to go so bad, but I have to admit I was nervous. And sure enough we hit the rode, and the dizziness starts again. Ahhh! I tried to ignore it, but as we made our way up to Big Basin, we get stopped at one of those mountain road lights, that only have one lane traffic. Basically I felt trapped. We couldn't turn around and we had to wait for the light to let us go.

Weird I know, but it threw me for a loop. We pressed on a little further, but right after the monk house, I told him to turn around. I just was getting more and more anxious. And it's not so much being scared of riding. I just don't know how to handle my anxiety on the bike yet. I can't do any of my coping skills, and even the idea of getting off, to try to relax isn't appealing, because once I start to panic, walking isn't easy.

We came back home, but still had a nice ride. It was fun, and I'm glad we went. And It broke up the day.

Not much else happened after that. After dinner I went back downstairs to paint, and breath mold. My goodness it's bad down there, I almost can't stand it. There is so much mold up in these mountains it's amazing. And it's not even wet right now!

Anyhoo, today wasn't too bad, but I did have to battle dizziness and balance issues a lot. Oh yeah at one point, I thought my heart was beating too fast, and I couldn't breathe well, but It must have gone away because I forgot about it.

Oh well. As the Monkees say, "Tomorrow's Gonna Be Another Day".