If I was one of the Seven Dwarfs today, I'd be Grumpy

Ack! Major frustration today. I woke up somewhere between feeling good and so so. My body threatened to have balance issues, and I did a little, but for the most part I handled them okay.

Now, we were supposed to go to to Santa Rosa today, but after last night all I wanted to do was art art art! I was so excited about my painting, I just couldn't wait to do another. Also I didn't want sit in a car all day, nor did I want to get home too late, because Dinky needs his insulin early tonight as we are leaving early in the morning for work. So we had to be home no later than 9pm. I just couldn't see that happening especially if we visited Matt's family.

In the end we didn't go to SR, for all the reasons above, and I wasn't about to complain. Now I could do more paintings! Strangely enough as anxious as I was to get started I managed to procrastinate for quite awhile, before I actually made it downstairs.

I started my collage with no apprehension. I totally thought I had the technique down. I worked and worked, absolutely positive this would be another masterpiece. I worked some more, and stood back to admire my brilliant creativness.

Once the screaming died down, I realized that what I created was not the masterpiece it was supposed to be, but an absolute disaster! NO matter what I did, it just wasn't coming together. I HATED it!!

I was so frustrated that I started to feel angry and then the anxiety came on. Not bad, but enough to put me in a mood. My frustration with my collage set off my anxiety! This is so not what I wanted.

It was time for me to stop, and step away for awhile. We needed to go to the store for dinner items anyway, so we planned to take the motorcycle to make it more fun. We got all dressed and ready to go, when Matt made some comment about not wanting to eat what we had planned for tonight. Honestly I could care less. I would have been fine fixing about 3 different things, but for some reason that set me over the edge.

All of a sudden I was picking a fight with him, and then I started getting anxiety about riding on the bike. I'll spare you the details, but it totally went downhill. I was so irritated that I had a mini meltdown. How embarrassing. Why the heck was I crying? I totally felt like a spoiled child, or a harpy, or something bad.

Matt and I talked a bit and decided that I needed to get out, so yes we will go to the store after all, but we will take the car. Fine. We went, we got our supplies, things were fine, until I was... you guessed it, standing in line. Boom! Balance issues galore. I had to hold onto the counter for support. The good news is, I managed to move and look around normally. Usually I feel like I'm in another world, but this time I was very clear.

By the time we walked out of the store I was fine. In the past It would have been a major concern whether or not I could walk out. I didn't have that problem this time, I felt that it would be okay and it was. Progress no?

Anyhoo, we got back home and I was still mad at my collage. The mere site of it, set my teeth on edge. I decided to browse art blogs to get some inspiration, but my heart wasn't in it. I really felt like a failure. I tried playing a game, but it wouldn't download for some reason. It just seemed everything was going wrong and that just added to my frustration.

Finally, I decided I might as well face this mess I made, and try to remedy it as best I could. I went back downstairs and worked on it some more. I thought it might be getting better, but then Matt came by and asked why I had ripped all the cool stuff off? Ugh! Now I had doubts again.

We fussed over it for another hour or so, but I was still displeased. I just couldn't understand why in the world it was coming out so wrong when I did exaclty the same thing as last night and got such awesome results.

Fed up, I hauled the offending collage upstairs and sat it next to the one from last night to compare them, and see If I can find what I did wrong.

Well, last's night's is still better, but there really isn't that much difference. And now that I look at them side by side, it's not really all that bad. Go figure.

I'm hoping tomorrow's a more cheeful day.