It's so nice not to work today

Well not much happened today as far as challenges go. Matt decided I should take the weekends off, but I still did stuff on my list today and yesterday, I just don't feel like I need to do it all. Tomorrow I will be back to my chores. I'm actually looking forward to it, because this whole weekend I felt a little lost not following my list.

I didn't run an errand by myself, because life got in the way, but I did drive to the burrito place in town and picked up our order by myself. Matt was behind me on the motorcycle and he did not go in the store, so I had to be alone and stand in line. We did it this way, because one it's farther in town then I'm comfortable going right now, and two, because it was getting dark, and ever since I was chased a couple years ago, I don't care to drive by myself at night.

Overall it wasn't bad, but I was nervous going in, mostly because, as we got out on Bear Creek, we saw the road was closed right at our street. Naturally I got nervous wondering if we would be able to get back, but since Matt was behind me, I figured if we absolutely had to, we could go over the hill until the road reopened.

We did get through thank goodness, the accident was one road further down, so they let us go home. Feeeww!!

Other than that the only major anxiety I had was while I was turning in my canvases to the art gallery for the upcoming show. I have no clue why I reacted as bad as I did. It was almost like my body skipped nervousness altogether, and went straight to the symptoms. When we walked out, I felt like I did after I got off the ski lift. Shaky and sick to my stomach. And the thing is, it was such a nice place, and everybody was really cool, and I hardly had to wait. So strange.

From there we went to the hardware store, and because I was still coming down, I took out my Mario game, and played that while Matt shopped. Worked great. We came home, and I went to work on a few more collages. I pretty much spent most of the afternoon downstairs. I was having a great time, and didn't have any issues. In fact Matt had gone down to the creek, and I had no clue until he yelled for me to get him something, and even then it didn't make me nervous.

For most of the day, I was actually alright. Surprisingly I had very little balance issues. Not even in the burrito place did I have a problem. I was actually ok, but very nervous about not being ok. As usual. If I could just relax when I actually feel good, that would really be cool.

Now of course I'm experiencing some balance problems sitting here, I'm not sure why this seems to happen at the end of the night, but it does. Luckily last night I was fine, while watching tv, and when I went to lie down, no issues. I even woke up feeling pretty good today. Nothing unusual that is. No balance problems.

Tomorrow though is different story. I have my appointment with the psych at 7 pm, and I'm super scared, especially because of the way I acted in the gallery, which was a fun thing for me, how the heck am I going to be for 75 minutes with a stranger? Oh boy. And the worst thing of all is that the damn appointment is $500! Totally crazy.

I almost canceled so many times, but Matt said no. I say he's insane, when we barley have enough money to pay the mortage. We are talking about possibly needing to foreclose on the house. The fact that I'm not going to be working doesn't help either.

I can think of so many things we need to spend that money on right now, like firewood, and propane. The winter is coming and it is going to suck if we don't get firewood soon. Not to mention it will be super expensive, because everyone needs it then. Plus the morons at Amerigas forgot to fill our tank, so now it's almost empty, and it's going to cost like 600-700 to fill it all the way back up.

I feel sooooo guilty taking this appointment for 500 an hour when we could be buying things we actually need. All of guru camp for one week didn't cost that much. I guess there isn't anything I can do about it now, it's too late to cancel.

Anyway It's late, and I'm going to watch my shows. Overall not a bad day. Less anxiety than usual. Yipppee!