I must have had a lot of trauma in a past life, to deal with all this anxiety now

I'm seriously wondering that. Who was I, and what the heck did I do? If all this anxiety is because of a past life issue, maybe I was someone famous, like Katherine Howard? F-ing around on the king and having your head chopped off would give anyone anxiety right?

Okay so I woke up fine today. That's awesome! But I had to go to work of course, and we all know how that goes.

Funny enough, I actually did pretty good for most of the time, amazing since my wonderful supervisor took away all my chores again. In fact I'm the only person in her department without any chores. So I had nothing to do. At all! And I kid you not the phones were ringing like once every 20 minutes. I even asked for something to do and she said no and gave the same lame ass excuse as yesterday.

Anyway, it wasn't until I got off work that I had the real issues. About half way home, I started getting that crazy detached feeling in my head, arms and stomach again. It was super strong in my head and the more I thought about it, the worse it got of course. At one point I thought, I wouldn't be able to handle it.

It did go away right after that, but still it spooked me, because it was pretty harsh today. So we got home, and I was having a little bit of balance issues, but it wasn't too bad, besides I was super tired, so despite my reservations about how I felt, I decided to take a nap.

Well I didn't sleep, the whole time I drifted in and out and kept focusing on how unreal I felt. Finally I got up like 40 minutes later, and man i haven't been the same since. I've been feeling so off, it's crazy. Like I was being pushed down, and off balance and the pressure cooker feeling all at once.

I would feel decent sitting down, but standing up and walking around sucked! I was pretty scared at first, but then we took the cat for a walk and the intensity lessoned a bit. In fact we even chatted with a neighbor for awhile and I did pretty good. Still, when we got home I never felt completely right. Then I watched the Biggest Looser, which might have been a big mistake. I knew the first episode would have fainters and pukers, with all those tubbies trying to exercise, and I was right. I had to turn it off several times, because it scared me. Obviously I don't do well when the medics come on the scene. But I did finish the show, because I've waited 4 months for this day, and it is the only reality show I actually like.

After the show, I had to do something to get rid of the anxiety, so I've been cleaning and listening to new music that I just downloaded, which has been fun and now I feel good again. Finally!

I do feel a bit bummed that I never got around to doing any art, since I spent my time watching a show, but I figure that with my weekend coming up, I'll have plenty of time to do that.

Anyway a bit sad tonight because of the nasty feelings, but hopefully they will stay away now that I've cleaned and got my mind off of them for the most part.

Now my problem is my damn job. I have to make my decision by tomorrow, and I'm telling you the games my sup is playing with me right now, do not make me want to stay. If I could just go to another dept, It would be so much better. I'm even thinking of being a tech again, but my doctor is taken now. :( Plus my back wouldn't handle it I'm sure, Plus I don't know how well I would do anymore, with all that stuff going on, and me having to talk to people in rooms. Oh well. Hopefully I'll think of something. I can't go on with her anymore, she is stressing me out, and now that she's f-ing with me, it's even worse.

Alright, I've run out of Johnny Cash and social distortion songs, so I'm off to eat cherrios and watch good 'ol Oscar and Felix.