What an odd day

Well. Today worked out pretty well. I woke up feeling good again. Very nice after those days of not feeling well in the mornings.

I had a very lazy morning and didn't get out of bed until about 1:30! I was awake though and answering emails and comments and otherwise networking my art career in general. So I was being semi productive and not totally lazy, though really do I have to justify myself to myself? Doesn't that seem a touch odd?

Anyway the day didn't really get started until about 4 pm. That's when I finally got off the computer, and started putzing around the house getting laundry together, and figuring out what to do about dinner. Then on a total whim I decided to play around with my painting. I have been wanting to get down there for days, but for some reason or another I never found myself in the studio.



I was doing real well down there, but I was feeling very emotional so I had a mini meltdown and then felt better. Sometime around 6, Matt came down and we took the cat for a walk. I was feeling super during the walk. Totally normal. Then we stopped to talk to the neighbors, and it was like my legs turned to jello.

btw I really wasn't having trouble with anxiety symptoms today. I felt things here and there, like the pressure feeling, but nothing really felt bad, so it didn't bother me too much at all.

Anyway, I felt so friggen off balance, and at one point my whole body fell forward, and I instinctively reached out to hold on to something, but there was nothing there but air. I am almost positive the neighbor noticed that something had just happened to me, as she was looking directly at me at the time, but we continued talking like nothing happened.

Needless to say the rest of the conversation was somewhat tricky. I felt horrible with the balance issues, and could not wait for the conversation to end. When it finally did, the first thing I did upon coming in the house, was grab Mario and start playing. That worked. I was soon feeling better, but then I remembered my homework from therapy. I had been saving it for a time when I was anxious like I was told to, and felt this might be a good time to tackle task number 1.

Well I filled out my form, and then kept reading the chapter. 3 hours later, I was still reading, and highlighting and underling and filling out information. I was so engrossed in the book, that I was totally relaxed even though I was reading about anxiety.

The cool thing was, I learned a lot about myself and how anxiety works and is triggered. Very interesting, and now I'm totally going to go through this book chapter by chapter. I finally put it down close to midnight and then went back downstairs to try to finish my painting, since that was what I had intended to do in the first place.

I just came up (not sure if the painting is done yet or not), and am going to watch my shows and grab a snack now. Overall not a bad day, even though It started so darn late, and I'm really trying hard not to feel guilty about not getting going sooner and getting things done. For some strange reason, I feel like I was totally productive today.