WTF? Are you sure this is anxiety??

Right now I'm too tired to write about my day, but I just wanted to say that I had the mother of all anxiety issues today. I can not understand what is happening. It's like the anxiety symptoms (the bad ones) are coming back full force with reinforcements.

It just makes no sense. At all. I have been doing so Goood. Why why why is this happening again?

The thing that happened today was I stood up from sitting on some stairs. Pretty damn simple. Nothing too strenuous. Not very scary really.

So, this is how it went. We were at the condo, talking with our tenant and the A/C fixing people. Well when I stood up to let them pass on the stairs, I got that head rush/pressure feeling realllllly bad. Although it wasn't as bad a pressure feeling as I've had in the past, which is weird because what happened next freaked me out.

So I'm standing there, listening to the conversation, and I totally check out. I'm still aware of my surroundings, but it's like I'm not functioning again. I'm totally foggy, feel like I can't walk/move right, balance jacked up, and here it is folks, I start to black out. (Or I think I am) My very worst nightmare.

Now for the record. I didn't get the classic faint-y feelings. It was more like my balance was really off, my ears felt full, my heart was pounding and with each beat I would see black in the lower part of my field of vision.

Now I've had that pulsing thing before, sometimes black, sometimes white. It always goes with my pulse/heartbeat, and it always happens when I'm nervous or exerting myself. Then again I'm usually nervous these days when I exert myself, so who knows. But one thing I do know, I've NEVER experienced anything like that. I really thought I was going to collapse. It just feels like you are so out of control, and with the blackening of my vision, well that scared the shit out of me. Tell me that is just anxiety? Really? I swear it felt like something was seriously wrong. Yeah yeah I know, it's supposed to be all in my head, but when shit like that happens, It is not easy to be convinced that nothing is wrong. The only thing I have going for me, regarding this incident is the fact that once I "escaped" I went back to normal. I was basically able to walk it off.

I couldn't talk to Matt since he was dealing with the A/C people so I just left. I walked out the door and down the little walkway, and sure enough I started to normalize again. It eventually went away and I've been fine since.

Seriously WTF?