Ooops!

Oh my gosh, it has been such a shitty week, what with my anxiety at an all time high, the cat saga, and all my various NEW symptoms, well I sort of forgot to post yesterday.

Yesterday, we spent the whole day dealing with Dink. He went to the vet first thing in the morning, and we left him there for testing. We then got some lunch and actually saw the new Harry Potter movie (with my family) to distract us. I would have enjoyed it much better, had I not be worried about the cat and had to pee every 10 minutes. When I get nervous I have to pee lots, either that or I'm diabetic. I think it's nerves though, because it's been that way my whole life.

Anyway, yesterday both Matt and I were physically sick from all the stress of the last 3 days. When we finally got home, we had to take a nap. I literally felt like I would collapse from exhaustion. It felt so good to rest, and luckily last night we actually got to sleep through in big chunks, instead of being woken up every half hour or so.

Today I was supposed to go to work at 8 this morning, but when I woke up, holy cow, major vestibular issues. It started when I rolled over to try to get more sleep, and that was not a good idea. I sat up and then got out of bed, and it was so hard to walk. Honestly I don't think that was anxiety. I was hardly awake yet. And it felt so harsh. Laying back down was not an option so I did a few things, and in about 10 minutes, I started to feel more normal.

Needless to say, I was not going to work, and for once Matt didn't argue with me, as he was extremely tired still. He went back to sleep and I stayed up for the next 4 hours trying to distract myself and not worry about my balance by playing games and reading blogs.

Well, by the time we got up officially, I was feeling much better. The feelings I had in the morning were gone so I went about my day. It wasn't until a few hours later, when I was browsing art blogs that I felt weird again.

All I did, was change positions on the couch, and bam! I was hit again, with another round of balance issues. This one was different though and so tough to explain. Basically it felt very strongly like I was on a boat in a heavy storm. I wasn't even standing up!

The feeling subsided a bit and I immediately got up and started "doing things" around the house to keep myself from freaking out too much. Well that helped a lot and I got some old artwork framed and photographed and posted to my Flickr account. A couple hours probably passed and once again I was on the couch, working in photoshop for one of my art challenges, when the same damn thing happened.

All I did was change positions, the same way and voila! Major panic this time! All of a sudden I was unable to walk it felt. I made myself do stuff to keep busy in hopes that it would go away. I vaccumed the bedroom, but I started to feel like I couldn't look down. Then I swept the kitchen and by then I was really afraid to look down, for fear of being thrown off balance.

I wandered outside, around the deck, still shitty. The feelings would supress just a little and then pop back up full force right away. I could not calm down and I really felt that maybe I should get out of here, over the hill and towards a safer place. Man I haven't felt the need to escape from here in a couple months now. I did NOT like it!

Finally Matt sensing I wasn't doing well, got it out of me what was going on. I didn't wan't to tell him as usual how I was feeling. I really should though, because he always gets it out of me in the end, and I usually feel much better. So in an effort to distract me, we went outside to take the cat for a walk, but I didn't want to run into neighbors and get stuck talking while feeling this way so we wandered up and down our street talking.

This turned out to be good, as it got me outside of my head I guess, and sure enough I started walking more normally. We talked for a good while, about what was going on, and eventually we did a few "tests" to see how I felt sitting, standing, and almost laying down. I did okay, until we got to the laying down part and then I started to feel yucky again, though honestly this time It may have been in my head, as I was waiting for a bad sensation to happen.

By this time I was feeling much better but we were being eaten alive by mosquitoes, and with Monkey tired of walking back and forth along the street, we decided to go for a proper walk around the hood.

Well we didn't get far until we ran into our neighbor around the corner, but that was cool, he's always fun to talk to. And talk we do, since he is a very chatty guy. It's funny because we were standing there talking for a good 20 minutes before I realized that I wasn't feeling off balance. I shouldn't have thought that, because not two seconds later, sure enough I had a hard time standing still and felt like I would fall, I wanted to escape, but coudln't really since it would be rude to just turn around and walk away in the middle of a conversation.

In the end it all worked out fine, I didn't fall, and we ended up talking another good 15 minutes or so, and I survived, though Matt and I both got eaten up by those damn mosquitoes.

So here it is just late enough to not want to start anything, but too early to go to bed, so I thought I'd write my post before I forgot again. I really want to be consistent with this blog, so I'm a bit bummed I broke my string of posts yesterday.

Anyway I am so hoping tomorrow is much better, because I sure could use a good day!