Stop Rocking the Boat

Well I just don't know what to say. Overall it has been a better day. Dinky seems more normal, and Matt and I went over the hill for our usual Thursday activities. The problem is I still feel off balance.

We went to rooster park and we managed to get there just as a couple firetrucks and an ambulance rolled up the hill to to the camp above us. Even though I had no idea what was happening and it wasn't going on where we were, I still got scared.

We tried going for our usual run/walk, but I was too nervous and we didn't get far. To my credit though it was Matt who decided to turn around, not me. We fed Mr. Fancyfeathers, but even that didn't stop the anxiety. Bummer. (We forgot our creek shoes too, so we couldn't even go in the creek, which would probably have helped a lot. )

We then went to Petroglyph, and I was doing good for awhile, then the last 45 min or so, my balance went wacky again. I felt seasick just sitting in my chair. That upset me, because I've never had issues there, no matter what was going on, so I considered it a safe haven for me. I'm not supposed to have anxiety while doing art. We were just talking about how that was a great activity for me to do, when I was anxious because it keeps my mind busy, and look what happens today.

I didn't let it ruin anything, but I wasn't pleased. When we got home, I immediately started cleaning just to keep my mind off of feeling yucky. It worked pretty well, and I managed to feel pretty good, that is until I sat down on the couch, then it was back on the boat again.

I'm so frustered right now. I still feel shitty, and I want/need to relax and go to bed sometime this night, but I'm scared to lay down. I just played a really cool game that kept me occupied and for the most part didn't feel the swaying, but then I get up from the couch and well, you know the story by now, I'm sure.

I guess I'll give it a shot watching I Love Lucy right now, I sure hope It's not too bad. I really really want to get some sleep tonight.