Life is like a canvas, throw all the paint on it you can...

So today I woke up having an anxiety attack. Yep that pretty much set the tone for the day. I was dreaming I got on a plane and as it started to taxi down the runway, I realized what I had done. Oh the horror! Of course, I started thinking ohmygod what if I have anxiety? I'll be trapped for 5 hours, I can't breath etc. Well, just as we were going to take off, I made them stop and let me off. I mean really what the heck was I thinking trying to get on a plane in the first place? Then of course they lost my luggage, and I got lost getting back, but that's another story for another time.

Needless to say, the rest of my day was spent battling nasty symptoms. Sure enough throughout the morning I kept worrying if I would be off balance like I was last night. See at first I was fine, but an hour or two later, I was feeling the boat thing again. Then the walking problems started. Man what a pain. I don't doubt that I caused almost all of it by worrying about it though.

And despite what I was told in therapy yesterday, I did not tell Matt right away what was going on. Yeah I know, I'm supposed to, but old habits are hard to break, and I really had a hard time telling him what was up.

Well I eventually did, cause he asked as we were taking our daily trek to the mailbox, and when I told him, he suggested we do something fun to try to get my mind off things. Alright that sounded cool. What can we do? Hmmm, I need more paint. They didn't have the kind I wanted at the store yesterday... Let's go to Santa Cruz and get paint!

That perked me up. But I have to say I was nervous about going to Santa Cruz. I wasn't really, but I was afraid I would be, and especially with the way I was feeling, I thought I may not be able to handle things.

Well I was wrong, I did pretty good in the store. Only had a few mishaps when Matt wandered off, and it's a big store with lots of little rooms, so I kind of semi panicked at first. By the time we left I was fine.

What went wrong at the burrito place I don't know, but I could not stay in there without feeling like I needed to hang on to something. I decided to go outside while we were waiting for our order and that helped a lot. Man, It's been a long time since I had symptoms like that in stores, and standing in line.

We took the food to go, since I did not want to eat there because of how I was feeling, and after I spilled salsa all over the car twice, we made our merry way to the grocery store. Much to my surprise, I did fine in the store. I wasn't so sure after the burrito incident, but it was all good. The only issue I had was of course standing in line, and even then it wasn't a real problem until I thought about it. (My gosh when will I learn not to think?) It doesn't take a psychic to see that one coming.

Anyhoo, by the time we were done with the shopping it was after 5 so we decided to go home, since we were both anxious to do some art. I was feeling pretty normal but still having some issues, it hadn't worn off completely and it was still hard for me to stand properly.

Well guess what? We went downstairs to the studio and I started working on a painting/collage that I wanted to get done for a couple of challenges, but missed the deadline. I don't know what it is with this piece but it's driving me bonkers. I fooled around and cursed at it for a little bit and finally came up with a few cool things to do with it.

In fact I'm letting it dry right now. In the meantime I started 3 little canvases that I want to do for a series. I'm pretty excited about them, and actually the backgrounds are done and drying right now. So while I'm waiting once again, I thought it best to be somewhat productive, and write this blog tonight.

The main thing is, I feel TONS better. Art therapy strikes again!